Blood On the Ground
by otwamewliart
Summary: Axel and Roxas were the perfect couple. Or so Axel thought. What happens when Roxas breaks up with him and abandons him? Axel POV, M for later chapters, no lemons sorry. Based on a true story. "I don't wanna talk to you anymore / I'm afraid of what I might say / I bite my tongue every time you come around / 'Cause blood in my mouth beats blood on the ground"
1. What Have I Done?

A new AkuRoku for you guys, this is the story of me and my ex, with a few embellishments. There is no happy ending to this story, so if you don't like that, don't read.

Here's a few chappies to hold you off until The Original can be updated.

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**Chapter 1: What Have I Done?**

If there was one thing I could change, it would be how we ended. I was wrong. I was selfish. But now, worst of all, I am alone.

As I sit here and stare at the wall, I wonder what I could've done to make things end differently. The worst part is, I know exactly how. If I had truly loved you, I would've been there for you even when you broke my heart. It wasn't the first time it happened, but I abandoned you when you needed me most. God, I'm such a dick. I know it now and I knew it then. So why? Why did I let my life get this way?

I'll tell you why. I like the pain. That's why I cut, that's why I burn myself, that's why I tried to overdose, right? There's nothing wrong with that, right? I mean plenty of people do it. I just want the attention. I'm no masochist, but I know that somewhere deep in my mind, I love the torture I put myself through. Why else would I do it?

Ok, maybe I'm just going insane. I really don't know anymore. Maybe I'm just beating myself up for nothing. Maybe we just weren't meant to be. Maybe, just maybe, I really am sick in the head and this isn't just all coincidence.

I betrayed my best friend, the one I had claimed to love for over a year now.

_***February***_

I looked across the room, trying to determine what it was about the new kid that seemed...off. I leaned across and asked Demyx, "Is that a guy or a girl?" It was a mean thing to ask, but I really couldn't tell.

He laughed. "I really don't know," He, or she, was wearing a baggy shirt, and had a somewhat feminine face, so you couldn't really tell.

I sighed. I really shouldn't judge people. I mean, someone I knew to be a transgender ended up being a really good friend. Maybe I'll like her...or him.

_One week later_

"Hey, my name is Roxas," said the new kid, he was sitting next to me in music class. I had finally determined that it was a guy.

"Hi, umm...name's Axel. Got it memorized?" That was my signature catch phrase. I gave him an awkward sideways glance.

"Umm...sure." he scratched his head and kind of stared straight ahead.

I didn't know what else to say, so I just kind of ignored him. I felt rude, but I didn't want to be all awkward and stuff. I mean, not even a week ago I couldn't even tell he was a guy. I felt so bad for that.

We didn't talk for a while after that...

_***April***_

One night we were out late on a school field trip, and that was the first time I really talked to him.

I mean, it wasn't even really that we talked, but that was my first real memory. We were all sitting on a bean bag chair, talking and messing around and singing songs...horribly out of tune, might I add.

We were just laughing and hanging out, and I thought to myself, _See, what were you thinking? Don't judge! He's perfectly fine. He's pretty cool and really funny and you know...kinda cute. But young...and probably straight. But that doesn't mean we can't be friends...right?_

I just went on talking and laughing with our little group.

For the next few weeks, I sort of followed him around. I was liking him more and more each moment I spent with him. But the problem was...I didn't know anything about him. Favorite color, sexuality, if he was dating anyone...hell, I didn't even know his last name! But damn, he was cute.

He seemed kinda flirty with everyone...so maybe he is dating someone? I don't know. So what did I do? I hired my best friend to find out all the dirty details.

"Demyx, hey you know that kid Roxas, right?" It was a dumb question. Of course he knew him, we all sat next to each other.

"Yeah, the one in our music class. Of course," he said while giving me a dumbfounded look.

"Well, I," I scratched my head and shifted on my feet, "I kinda like him, and I was wondering if you could ask him a few questions."

"Oooh! Axy has a crush!" he sang out, clapping his hands and jumping up and down like a little kid hopped up on sugar.

"Shhh, shut up!" I looked around, making sure Roxas wasn't nearby. I think I'd die if he heard me.

Demyx suddenly got serious, "So, let's get down to business. What exactly do you want me to find out?"

"Well...first of all, I want to know if he's straight or not. Then we can dig a little deeper."

He pretended to scribble down the notes in his imaginary notebook. That kid sometimes, went a little overboard. "Aye aye, captain!"

He marched off to go talk to Roxas. I suddenly got really nervous, and then I sat down with my other friends with my back to him. I didn't want to catch any awkward eye contact and start blushing like a fool in front of everyone.

I couldn't concentrate on the conversation going on around me, I kept peeking over my shoulder every few seconds like I had a nervous tic or something.

Surprisingly, Roxas wasn't looking over here at all. He and Demyx were having a really animated conversation about God knows what. They both started laughing and I jumped when something hit me in the head.

I looked around in a panic, and saw the culprit laying on the ground. Someone had thrown a paper airplane at my head.

"Paranoid much?" Marluxia said as he sat down, backwards, on the empty chair next to mine.

"No, just...on a different planet." I said slowly, watching Roxas and Demyx converse in my peripheral vision.

"I can tell," he picked up the paper airplane and went back to sit with the rest of the group.

The bell rang and Demyx waited up for me.

"So...?" I asked.

"Nothing yet. These things take time. Don't worry, my friend. I won't let you down." he patted me on the shoulder and ran ahead to catch up with Zexion, who had the class next door. "Hey, Zex!"

I kept walking slowly, in my own world, when I ran into some little freshman standing in the hall. I normally would've screamed at him for getting in my way, but I absent-mindedly apologized and walked into my English class without any further distractions.


	2. I Miss You

**Chapter 2: I Miss You**

"Axe?" I heard someone saying my name. "Axel?"

I turned towards the voice, "Huh?"

"You okay, man? You're like spacing or something." Demyx looked worried.

"Yeah...I'm just thinking." I sighed. This day was taking forever, I'm still in the middle math class.

He gave me an understanding look, "Roxas?"

"Yeah...it's just...I don't get it."

"Don't worry. He'll come back around." He patted my shoulder.

"No...he won't. I really fucked it up this time." I could feel tears coming to my eyes. I can't cry in public, people might think I'm some kind of wimp.  
"Dude, you can't keep beating yourself up over this. You don't deserve this."

"I ruined the best thing I'd ever had. I lost the only one I cared." Now I think I really might cry...  
"Oh thanks," he said sarcastically. He realised as soon as he said it, that it probably wasn't the best thing to say at this moment. "Don't worry about it. I mean, I know he means the world to you, I'm pretty sure I'd be the same...or maybe worse...if I lost Zex. But you guys had a really complex relationship."

I sighed for the millionth time. "I was so selfish."

Now it was Demyx's turn to sigh. "I don't know what to tell you. I can't help you if you don't want to be helped."

The bell rang and he stormed off.

Great. If there's one thing in this world I'm good at, it's hurting everyone I care about. If it was an Olympic sport, I'd get the gold. I picked up my books and headed to my next class.

_***April***_

I ran up to Demyx. "So, what do you have to tell me?" I was so excited, I was almost as hyper as he is.

Well...I have some good news." He smiled his biggest for me.

"I know, get on with it!" I started shaking him.

"Geez, calm down, you're going to give me drain bamage!" He laughed. "So...I was sitting to Roxas, and one of the music stands was bent, and he was like 'Look, it's crooked! just like me!' and I was like 'So you mean you're not straight?' and he was like 'Nope! I swing both ways.'"

I looked at him in awe, "Really?"  
"Would I lie about this? Things are looking up for you, buddy. So what's the next step in your master plan."

"Well, first find out if he likes anyone...and then if he likes me."

"Can do!" he ran off again, probably to talk to Roxas.

I shook my head and laughed to myself, Demyx can really be something else.

_Two Days Later_

"Well, he doesn't seem to be dating anyone, so that's good." Demyx high fived me. "You just might have a shot Axe!"  
"Why am I so nervous NOW?" I asked.

"Hey look, there he is now! I'll go ask him if he likes you!"  
"NO! Wait!" I shouted after him.

"Don't you want me to do this?" He cocked his head and looked at me with a slightly concerned expression.

"Yes. No. I don't know!" I threw my hands up in exasperation.

"All I heard was yes," he winked at me and proceeded to talk to Roxas.

Now I was really shaking. I'm going to make a complete fool out of myself. Well, Demyx is going to make a fool of myself. Which is worse, because he might say something embarrassing. Geez, why am I acting like such a girl?

"So Roxas, do you like anyone in this class?" Demyx asked.

"I dunno, why?" Roxas gave him a confused look.

Demyx scratched his head, "Well, umm...I know someone who kinda likes you."

Roxas perked up right away, "Ooh! Who is it? Who?"  
"Axel..." Demyx looked down at his feet.

"Really?" Roxas asked, with a grin about a mile wide, "I kinda like him too!"

"Well, maybe you guys should figure out the rest on your own." Demyx skipped away to tell me the news.

"So?" I was practically dying to know what happened.

"Well, it looks like Axy might have himself a little boyfriend here soon!"  
"Really?" Man, I was so nervous but excited at the same time. Now I actually had to take the next step on my own. This is gonna be hard, I've never asked anyone out before.

He patted my shoulder, "I wish you the best of luck, man. You guys would be cute together."


	3. Did You Even Love Me?

**Chapter 3: Did You Even Love Me?**

I sat at our usual lunch table, participating the bare minimum in the conversation so that no one would ask what was wrong.

I'm sick of feeling like this. So sad and angry and alone, like no one in the world cared about me.

I know some people do, and they're the reason why I can't just take the easy way out, but still, it doesn't help the way I feel. I still feel like the worthless nothing I have shaped myself into. A redefinition of the term Nobody.

"Axe?" Demyx asked.

I shook my head as if to shake my thoughts from my head. "Yeah, I just hate how much homework we get in that class."

Zexion nodded. "I like school, but not that much, damn."

Demyx sighed. He seemed satisfied with my answer, but he could tell there was something wrong. He knew exactly what was wrong too, I could tell by his face. He knew everything about me. He gave me a sympathetic glance as Zexion pecked him on the cheek.

I sighed and got up, I couldn't stand to see other people's happy mushiness. Not while I'm feeling so damn lonely. "I have to use the bathroom" I told them, but as soon as I left the cafeteria I went in the opposite direction. I just wanted to be alone and I certainly wasn't going to get that in the mens restroom.

I ran into the band room, where I knew no one would be, and I sulked in my own past. How had things gotten so bad?

_***Still April 2011***_

Roxas and I had stayed late after school the past few days for music rehearsal. We were in the pit for the school play.

I still hadn't made my move yet, and didn't know how to ask him either.

As we were leaving, I finally sucked up the courage to ask him for his number. I figured if I didn't get the balls to ask him by the end of this week, I'd text him and ask. We exchanged phones, input our numbers, and he ran out to catch his ride.

As soon as he left, I waited half a second then texted him, smiling the whole time.

Me: Helllooooo.

Rox: Why hello there ^^

Me: How goes it?

Rox: I'm tired.

Me: Yeah, me too. Guess what?

Rox: Chicken butt

Me: Pretty close...I has bourbon chicken!

Rox: Oohh that's the best stuff ever! I'm jealous.

Me: Don't be, I'll share.

Rox: Ok!

Me: Too late I eated it.

Rox: Awww

Rox: You know what I'm gonna go to bed now, I'm really tired.

Me: So soon? But it's only 9!

Me: WAITTTT I need to ask you something!

Rox: Oo? What's that?

Me: What's your favorite color? Jk, but I don't know why I'm so afraid to do it in person, but I was wondering if you would go out with me?

Damn I'm such a pussy...did I seriously just ask him out through text? I'm so lame. But you know, knowing me...it's either now or never.

I waited for what felt like hours. I started getting paranoid. Did he fall asleep? Is he laughing at me? What happened? Finally, after the longest five minutes of my life.

Rox: Sure, that sounds great ^^ it's purple by the way.

Me: Awesome, I love purple too (: Goodnight!

Rox: Nighty night.  
I did it. I finally have a boyfriend! Man, I think this may just be the greatest night of my life. April 28, 2011.

_ Two Days Later_

"You should totally come to the Chinese movie tonight, I'm gonna be there." Roxas suggested on the way to class.

It sounded like a great idea, it could be our first date. Besides, these two tiny minutes between classes were basically the only time I got to be with him. "I don't know if my mom would let me."

He frowned, and I mirrored his expression. It was going to be tough to convince my mom, she is Grand Royal Queen of the Mega-Bitches and Homophobes. "I don't know Rox, I'll certainly try but no promises."

He shrugged, "If you can come, it'll be great. If not, oh well, we can hang out some other time."

When I got home that evening, it took quite a bit of begging, but I finally got my mom to let me go. She thought something was strange was up because I was going to see a movie at the school at 7 pm, in Chinese when she knows I speak German, with a guy she's never heard of before. I can understand why she was suspicious, but I was still a bit offended that she didn't trust me.

So I asked Roxas to come out and meet me so my mom wouldn't think it was all so fishy.

My mom took one look at him, and said, "_That'_s the kind of people you hang out with?"

"What do you mean?" I got defensive. Was she really going to insult my boyfriend right in front of me, with him standing two feet away, on the other side of the glass?

"He's just...never mind. Just go before I change my mind." She got all pissy and practically drove off as I was still getting out of the car.

Roxas gave me a slightly sideways glance and we slowly walked into the building and towards the auditorium where the movie was being played.

I was a little late to the showing, and the movie was confusing to try to watch the action and read the subtitles at the bottom. I hate having to read movies.

It was much more fun to watch Roxas' reactions to the things happening on screen. He would yell at the characters onscreen and expect them to respond, gasp and aww and hop up on the seat, and he was just so damn adorable when he did it. I wanted to hold his hand, but I was too engrossed in his reactions, and he was far too interested in the movie.

So I sat there, alternatively watching him and the movie.

It was a lame excuse for my lame actions...or rather, lack of actions. But I didn't want to take things too fast. Roxas was far too adorable and amazing and...perfect...to lose. But I managed to do just that.

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That's all for now, my lovelies. Please review...I'll be back soonish.


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